#finding new stuff i like is so exciting
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@doctordragon oh yea i already listen to a few halestorm songs!! thank u for the recommendations!!
#listening to new artists makes me anxious for some reason but i gotta get to it eventually#finding new stuff i like is so exciting
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WIFI IS MINE ONCE AGAIN as i sit on a mattress on the floor
#it feels like ive been without it for so long...#it has been... three and a half days... i am Weak....#nah jk i wouldve been find without it for much longer#but boy howdy am i Glad to be able to use my dear beloved laptop again#i am In The New Place i am Beginning To Settle#tomorrow i begin unpacking my own stuff!!! exciting!!!#i cant wait to admire all of my Things!#ohhhh and i finally have a spot on the wall for my combo whiteboard/corkboard....#im still very stressed and i want to lay in a hole but!!#i am doing slightly better than a few days ago!#the weather has been nice... cool and rainy... i am not used to cool and rainy#its also cold and i am - unfortunately - a desert creature#suffice to say i am wearing hand warmers a hoodie and a blanket#absolutely unprompted#the place's last owner Didnt Fucking Clean though#so there have been many spiders. and cobwebs. and general Grime we will have to scrub#like seriously today i was dusting the ceiling. THE CEILING.#had to dust & vacuum the windowsills... gonna scrub my bathroom tomorrow...#theres a large tear in my bedroom carpet too...#ugh and the cabinets are Small so organizing all the spices and shit has been Rancid#stuff has to go out of place and you cant see it all and MY ORGANIZATIONAL SYSTEMS ARE CRUMBLING#sometimes it feels like my adhd and autism are fistfighting but during a move?#lockstep babeyyyy. they are Streamlined. lots of things and lots of sorting & placing and eeheehee#i have also killed most of the freakishly huge mosquitos in the house so! things are better!#that first night was Rough! its better now! this shell is becoming a House!
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yakuya in MY swamp? in MY ecosystem? no . i am still in disbelief. i hope you all know that my particles are bouncing off the everything. i am using periods as punctuation but the state of my mind is naught neareth final.
#the devs really did surprise me.....i'll credit them with that#i fully believed it was gonna be rei#i looked at that silhouette. saw the chunky heels. thought of kuya#but i scoffed at myself. tch. of course not. devs wont play with their strange topbottom segregation. i'll never get the yakuya event#at least not until it's with garu so they have a yokai hella exposition event#it's gonna be rei at a specific angle to SIMULATE a kuya. he will be wearing kuya-esque heels just to spite all the kuyafans#AND YET HERE WE ARE#UNDER THE SEA NO LESS#WHAT ARE THEY DOING INVADING MY SPACE LIKE THIS#like hell i'm gonna share my zone (abyssopelagic) with those accursed sirens#i'm going lower#i'm moving to the trenches. i'm gonna slowly lose the use of my eyeball sight . i'm gonna adapt to conditions#SO MANY conditions. maybe even learn to bioluminesce#actually no. then the predators might find me. and i'll have to regain the use of my eyes in order to improve my chances of escape#perchance even enlargen them like the giant squid. living in constant fear of a fox or a snake appearing in the depths#yet i get the creeping suspicion that kuya is just going to bully yakumo (when he's not bullying eiden)#kuya gonna drop a sad story about personal sacrifice and the difficult lives he's lived#and yakumo ever the baby in comparison will stare at him with his massive saucer eyes like.... do i... deserve to feel sadness?#if i have not gone through the trials and tragedies that master kuya has???#is kuya gonna be soft yokai grandpa or is he gonna be Auntie of Hard Reality#the boy just wants to find new soup ingredients#kuya will then unveil the ethical ramifications of harvesting these specific ingredients#and using them for a purpose other than their original spiritual intent by the indigenous merfolk#along with the questionable supply chain and processes that go into creating the ingredients in the first place#(not that any ethics or spirituality rituals or stuff like that is actually enough to influence kuya's behaviour in any way)#but it'll certainly mess with yakumo!!!! and that's where all the fun is?#furrows brow. what will they do with this event.....#i am so very excited to see them interact..!#mirage of scales#yakuya
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Jitterbug
#whenever my meds kick in it feels like im gonna piss myself. not literally but its really really feels like it#and now whenever that happens my mind goes back to pancho (grandmas dog) at a xmas party years ago#bc he peed when we arrived bc he was so excited to see ppl and my cousin had to clean it up :o)#well for better or for worse i know that feeling now when im pumped on 20mg of adderall#im still getting used to this whole diagnosis thing cause ive gone untreated and undiagnosed for the longest time. so theres probably a lot#i still dont know and have to learn to get myself to be.. functional on my own? self managing????#i even set up reminders on my phone for work periods meals and stuff. but the problem is actually getting myself to stick to that to a T#because the minute i slack off or something gets in the way it throws it all off until i can be bothered to get back on track. it sucks#at least ive built up other habits like writing notes and setting alarms ahead of time.. but i feel like i could do better#its always hard to change something if youve been doing it wrong for the longest time. especially behaviour and thinking patterns. sigh#in other news my glasses bailed on me so i have to get a new pair sometime. i just realized i never draw my sona with glasses but thats#mostly bc i forget. id love to get some browline glasses like my old pair but im picky and its hard to find one id like for the next 5 year#i also finally managed to collect all the fish in my animal crossing file!!! pulled out a char last week and boom now i have a poster :o)#THAT was a moment where i almost peed myself for real. id love to get all the bugs but i cant stay up late on the switch :o(#yapping#my art#myart#doodles#personal#diary
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going to music places with only knowing the genre and liking new songs, and singing the ones i knew, and singing them badly bc i missed half the lyrics and not having an encyclopaedia of the genre in my mind bc i always liked the music and the pretentious pricks from serbian turbo folk to punk metal and grunge will not stop me from enjoying new things and knowing nothing about the band who sings it
#it's like nobody likes finding new stuff in public these days#you must do the prep work at home and then show up and show off with this knowledge while scoffing at the one's who do not know#you like this song must mean you like this band must mean you like this genre otherwise you liked it through forbidden places#no you cannot just simply like the song you just heard and if you do you have a short amount of time to immediately get into the history of#the band#and do not get me wrong i love some bands and artists you all know it and i get excited too#when someone likes a song from a band i like bc they might like another one from them too#but there is this air of who gets the right to listen to the music#and who has it more and who has it less#and it is so ridiculous and annoying to me and it is a phenomenon of every genre#and somehow everyone thinks they are the laid back one's#no. you could all use being more chill about it actually.#and sometimes thank god less now find myself doing this stuff too but quite frankly how uselessly possessive of me#0 notes to me
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[In relation to the tags u left on my Abandoned Pools post] If u end up listening to Humanistic/Abandoned Pools, please tell me what u think of them if ur cool w/ doing so !! It would make me so excited to hear other peoples' thoughts on those songs! :D
okay i was holding off on answering this until i finishedlistening to it but im impatient LOL... and i have to say OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS this is like the exact style of music ive been wanting to find recently!!! (ive been so stuck listening to music recently 😭 ... nothing sounds good to me so ive been trying to find new stuff to listen to especially stuff like this!!!) i zone out So much while listening to albums so im noooot sure which one i like the best but i do really like monster and mercy kiss !!! im totally listening to more of their music later btw this is awesome
#theres a handful of songs left till i finish it fully so who my favs might change LOL but ive liked all of it so far actually#L.V.B.D. just started playing and i LOVE it so much too sorry i am yapping LMAO#im very excited bc its rare i listen to new stuff because im so shy about music haha#im so weird about music..its .. weird#thunder roars#quastion for the beast#ill have to listen to it a few times(which im totally gonna do..) to find my favuorite but yeah
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thank you so much for spreading comics love and (how to read them advice) advice!! helps to cope with how hard and/or expensive they are to get where i live while also motivating me enough to look for solutions or seize the opportunity if i do see one at some point <3
of course !!! what's a community if we ain't doin community things yk :]] ik comics can be kinda confusing or just. Overwhelming so if i can help in any way with pickin em up an readin em im glad to do so !!!!
ive only just started picking up comics again after maaaaybe just shy of a decade so it'll be a fun journey for all of us ^^
#snap chats#theres a lotta fun in the comics and a lotta fun to talk bout so i def wanna help people read them if i can !!!#you can def find a lot of runs online for free also ! i dont think theres one i /havent/ found honestly and its free easy to do#im lucky that my shop sells their stuff for a /lil/ cheaper than retail prices but it can get. pricey still 💀#although i def prefer physical theres def nothing wrong with going digital either ! def useful for when i needa grab pages real quick too#i read the 60's comics online and i prob will for most of the copper age as well unless Again theres some stuff i want physical#i just get physicals of issues i really like or ones that pique my interest while im out in the wild#like today i picked up first class Band of Brothers and Wonder Years cause i was just flippin through and found them interestin#CANNOT wait to read through those at some point .... after legion of x .... /after/ new mutants .....#christ i gave myself a lot to read BUT IM EXCITED and im excited to share whatever i find fun from those with yall :]#but yayaya !!!! happy readings my friends- however you do so :] !!!!
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A bit uncharacteristic of me, but I’m vibing so hard with 2007 Calvin Harris, I was reminded of that album today and first up, you’ve just got to spend a full 5 minutes laughing at the album title: I Created Disco. You already know this is going to be an album of fun and shenanigans. Completely unserious album. That’s fine, that’s fun, I’ve got time for it. I’m taking out the trash and just bouncing down the stairs because I’m vibing to retro disco from 2007. The first thing you hear as you put it on, “Merry making, drug taking at my place baby, at my place”, completely unserious, carry on. Very ‘let the words paint and exciting picture’ vibe and it’s giving ‘Daft Punk is playing at my house’.
Second, you forget that Calvin Harris even had a real infectious indie phase. I associate him right now with working on production for some of the world’s biggest pop stars making the sort of radio hits I would simply not listen to. But this one, like I said, quite in that indie nightclub vibe and like bands like LCD Soundsystem. Forget the Strokes, this is the facade of sheer excess that ‘indie sleaze’ wants to remember. It’s a banger of a silly, fun album. And it’s definitely going to become new bed music for my radio show— or I’ll try anyway, the lyrics are super clear, which again makes it that bit more indie to me. Love it.
You can’t not just shake your shoulders to it, that’s the energy I want to bring back. Everyone’s talking ‘2000s nostalgia’, ‘Y2K fashion’ blah blah blah but then still dressing like it’s depression season. ‘Now it’s all very well stepping out in black and white/But you’re no girlfriend of mine if you’re doing that, right?/Get some colours on.’ <- exactly, the 00s were about stupidly colourful fits. Wear those neons. Put on those wristbands. Many clips. Purple and orange leggings, red trousers. Turquoise skirt on top of that, there we go. Everyone’s forgetting how embarrassingly colourful it all was. If you really want to go back to the 00s, dress like my mum would dress me when I was 8.
Those colours were acceptable in the 00s ;)
#Music#I Created Disco#Lmao. What an album title!#calvin harris#indie#indie music#2007#chitter chatter#radio stuff#00s music#00s fashion#00s kid#although when I say 00s kid I actually mean kid kid. I was not in the club in 2007; I was in class#I was 7#so finding this album later— when I’m able to have some fun with it and not when I was 14 and into grunge exclusively and bummed about the#current music scene— was great#I do like new music tho I’m going to see possibly Bob Vylan Fontaines and Yard Act later this year. Stupid excited for those#And I did just see The Last Dinner Party earlier. Good band!#Spotify
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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Oh my, I am feeling so relaxed and happy rn, what a perfect moment to scroll through some of old fav tickle fanfics that I still enjoy immensely and read all of them ahain. I am sure that this will have no lasting consequences and will not make me get into a Tickle Mood or whatsoever :D of course not :DD
#U NEVER GONNA GUESS WHAT HAPPENED#SHAKING PAST KANENE BY HER SHOULDERS HOW DARE U TO BETRAY ME LIKE THAT HOW DARE TO FIND AND GET ATTATCHED TO SO MANY GREAT FICS#THAT WILL *MAKE* U BASICALLY FEEL WHAT IS DESCRIBED IN THEM HOW DARE U#bajwgeudgebveuwga bruhhhhhh#I have to go to class in just a bit and I am not qiwgywfwjecef I am not ready to pull a serious face yet xDDD#oh my#kanene being kanene#tickle mood#lately I've been thinking about opening my askbox for teases and stuff#idk. i just think it would be cool to get into tease battles and fun stuff like that! maybe not rp. but it could help me to think about new-#-stuff for fics and etc. besides a lot of u beans are quite adorable and fun! it could be a nice experience#but I am still shy to even post teasy posts (rip that series I wanted to start) and xreader fics stuff so agagwycwje there's that#hmmmm but that gave an idea! I will try to write more direct teasy posts and post and see how that goes!#ohhhh new stuff to try. i'm excited
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and so begins the making of christmas presents
#its the mooooost stree-essful tiiiimeeee of the yeaaarrrrrrrr#ive found good small projects that will suffice#thankfully i only have five people to crochet for!#and my grampas lap blanket is mostly done!#im keeping it shrimple <3#man crocheting has made christmas so much easier#less expensive less stressful. still stressful but at least i dont have to find something to buy#plus handmade things have the added factor of 'i made this with my own two hands. it took time'#so people are more inclined to like what you made them no matter how simple it is!#an 'i made this for you' automatically holds more weight than 'i bought this for you'#absolutely unprompted#im actually excited to make some of these! new stuff to try!#and ofc ill be proud of what i make which is always fun. the delight of making things for people... and them Receiving it... yes....#its like making a cake for someone but more permanent#my stepdad's getting a stocking for the dog he wants#for his - and i quote - lovey cuddle buddy#i expect that on christmas morn next year the stocking will be full of dog treats and a kong ball#my mother is getting a bandana in bright colors that suit nothing she wears#since she's keeping her hair long again. also shes insecure about gray hairs so yk fine here's somethin to cover them up with#and my two homies... my breadslices... well! i shant say!#well. one of them knows what theyre getting but hush lets pretend you dont. bc i know youre reading this rn
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so I’m moving across the country on Monday. To a place I’ve never even visited, where i know no one. the only things keeping me somewhat calm are (a) i did this exact same shit last year, except last year i didn’t have a job at all and this year my job is letting me transfer, so i know what my income will be and (b) focusing on the small things. how will i organize my refrigerator? where can i see free music? what kind of lighting should i buy?
but yeah. people keep asking me if I’m excited and no. I’m either terrified or i feel nothing at all
#life stuff#typing this as i procrastinate packing#people keep asking me if I’m excited#and i was annoyed by it#but I’ve decided everytime someone asks if I’m excited#I’m gonna find some new answer to give them#and it’s been less annoying#idk i know they’re being nice but it feels weird#to have to fake feeling the expected emotion for your experience#there’s this line from the movie cube#where this escape artist says the hardest part#is just focusing on what’s in front of you#and that’s become my moving mantra#just what’s in front of me#just what is in front of me#just what’s in front#ofc that guy immediately dies after that#but it’s not like he wouldn’t have died if he’d panicked and done nothing so
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if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified
#if it isnt already anyway.. i can see it happening as a school frosh thing. idk if it would catch on as a workplace thing#i kind of find the concept of being locked in with strangers and working to find a way out weirdly exhilarating though#at least compared to icebreakers cause i dont have to spend 10 minutes racking my brain for something to blurt out abt myself#as a bonus u could like. put people into groups and give prizes to whoever escapes first second third etc. apparently they also do themed#escape rooms.. maybe let people pick a theme? or voluntary sign up? actually this would be really fun for smth like a blind friend date#although if i found out i was locked in a room with an online friend id be too excited to actually escape LOL#ive never done an escape room before so sadly i cant speak from experience. its like up there on things i want to try next to rug tufting#workshop and visiting new art exhibits or conventions. i seriously need to get out more if it wasnt for the horrors <- school and anxiety#i was planning to invite cass to a drop-in art workshop in town but neither of us could go bc typography is making us go thru hell and back#AND THEY HAD A BUTTON MACHINE TOO#im nostalgic bc i miss working in groups and not being awkward abt it or worrying abt schedule conflicts#i realized that i learn best in groups and its a little corny but i like sharing ideas and talking through a problem#in elementary i could just sit down with friends for review and come out of it energized *and* more familiar with the material#and i could technically still do it now. but as adults we're more picky abt who we work with on top of being way more busy outside school#maybe im lonely. im shy and grew up not talking to ppl unless i absolutely have to so its hard to make friends on my own i guess#only thing getting me thru it is telling myself that humans like helping and that my cringe is overblown in my head. but its hard#hence the escape rooms. i have been able to talk to 2(!!) people though!! mostly abt school stuff but im glad to be on friendly terms#i dont really know how to be happy these days cause im constantly scaring myself abt my portfolio and finding places to work#not being ambitious is part of not wanting to put energy into something that wont work out while also not having the passion to do literall#anything else.. i should probably talk to my counsellor ugh#yapping
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i feel like im starting to experience emotions more, might be due to a couple months ago stopping taking my anxiety/depression/ocd meds because i couldnt get more refills? but whatever reason why, its wild
ive always been 'low empathy', and never ever could feel actual excitement or sadness when i was supposed to. i remember opening the letter to find out i was accepted to an art school when i was 10, my mom was filming, all i could say was 'yay' and try to act like i felt anything about it. i knew i was happy, but nothing in me could show it or even really *feel* it. i never cried when sad things happen, only out of frustration or if something was particularly triggered. its honestly awful sometimes to live like this and just.. be incapable of attachment or emotions, or attempting to comfort someone having it be forced and practised because it feels so foreign
but now im starting to cry more, which is a start i suppose. particularly at words, its like i can finally feel the *meaning* and emotions of a speech or song, rather than there being the feeling of a squeeze in my chest or usually nothing at all. i cant tell if i like it or not lol! its so weird, youre telling me folks are supposed to be feeling this way? nuts
#kay natters#autism#funny how a consistent theme of my ocs is 'autistic person who learns to appreciate the people around them' because its like yeah. thats me#expanding on the comforting part having to be practised: as a preschool teacher you do a *lot* of comforting#because kids will cry every day no matter what#and comforting does *not* come naturally to me at all. verbal or physical#im definitely getting better though. through observation and practise and its getting more instinctual#im probably still weakest at verbal but im only just starting my second year so i have a lot to learn#idk. humans are weird. wish i could be one someday#also i couldnt get more refills because i have yet to find a new primary care provider#finally ordered a sim card so i can do everything from getting SNAP to insurance to various other price reduction stuff#since everything requires having a phone number (totes super accessible for those who need it most)#but yeah im excited to start seeing a doctor regularly again. and to get more refills
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as a criminology student, i would honestly love to read an comics arc about the role of the police in vigilantism because i just think it's under-discussed for such a nuanced and complex topic.
#marvel comics#dc comics#honestly i just may not have read it yet#i'm pretty new still to comics and am only just working my way through some of the really important runs and events#not trying to defend the police here btw just like#i find it so interesting that although the point of vigilantism is to go AGAINST the police system#so many heroes still work closely with the police and trust somewhat in the way they're doing things#maybe it's more of an ongoing point of conversation that can't be explored in just a 'run' or smth#but i don't think it's really talked about enough nowadays#it's why i'm really excited for the upcoming 'absolute power' stuff from dc even though everyone seems to dislike waller#like it's a government entity getting involved in superheroism and inherently blurring the lines between what's good and what's bad#and talking about HOW to deal with crime and whether or not the superhero way is the right way or not#i like that it's bringing up these important topics#hot take but i definitely think if they brought back a character in the mythos that worked within the system#they could have an even better conversation about all of this#i def need to like take a look through the '90s/'00s nightwing runs again#but i think officer dick grayson was a good idea with just horrible execution#it was very much like 'you CAN fix corruption if you just get the right individuals in there'#which i definitely do not think is true#but the idea of having someone who has seen the system from the outside being put into the fold#and realizing that there's so much about the system that we DO NOT KNOW ABOUT#and dealing with the moral dilemmas of being in an occupation filled with oxymorons#and trying to figure out if they can handle this type of life#i think it would be at the very least good for character development#anyways#that's my rant#q speaks
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i really cant say shit about music tastes considering im regularly subjected to my own, but for the love of fuck if a blorbo is based in a music subculture, plsssssss take an afternoon to tour that subculture at least a little when making your blorbo playlists trust me i promise you theres good shit out there beyond what little from fringe genres that filters out into the top 40s from the last decade
#mochi rambles#yes this is about ashton lmao#every time i see a playlist tagged for them i get excited about maybe finding something fun and new#and every time i am disappointed because its all top 40s stuff#and like yes i like a lot of that music too there's a reason its the top 40s#but also finding blorbo music that you vibe with in their cannon genre is so much fun???#like i already knew a ton of punk music because ive listened to punk music for 20 years#but man did u know theres a whole subset of pubk music that is just queer punk#and TRANS punk???#and there is SO MUCH of it????#i didnt until last year and let me tell you i am better for it#and i got really into witch house and synthwave for a hot minute because that is just Essek in my head#but i stg if i never saw tswift bastille or hozier on a fan playlist ever again itd be too soon#pls there are more than four songs to choose from
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